After traveling across the country on a grand family adventure to see the Grand Canyon—after flights, road trips, carefully planned itineraries, and breathtaking views—I asked my kids about their favorite memory of the trip.
Was it standing at the edge of one of the most awe-inspiring natural wonders in the world? The epic stargazing over the canyon?
Nope.
Their highlight? Winning a stuffed monkey from the claw game at the hotel arcade.
After miles of travel, hours of planning, and witnessing one of the greatest sights on Earth, the thing they talked about the most was the moment they managed to snag a $2 plush toy from a rigged machine in a hotel lobby.
At first, I couldn’t help but laugh. But then, I remembered—it wasn’t the first time something like this had happened.
Several years ago, after another big family trip, this time to Yellowstone, I asked one of my kids what his favorite part was. Did he say the geysers? The wildlife? The majestic scenery?
Nope. His response? “I learned to whistle.”
I should have known.
Because the truth is, the moments that stick with us aren’t always the ones we expect.
The Myth of “Big Moments”
As parents, partners, friends, and humans in general, we twist ourselves into knots trying to create magical, unforgettable experiences for the people we love. We plan elaborate vacations, orchestrate perfect birthdays, and stress over making every milestone feel significant.
But here’s the thing: meaning isn’t something we manufacture—it’s something that happens in the small, unexpected spaces in between.
Psychologists refer to this as the “peak-end rule” (Kahneman et al., 1993), which suggests that people don’t remember an experience by averaging all the moments, but by recalling the peak moments and the way it ended. The peaks, however, aren’t always the grand ones we expect—they’re often the small, emotional highs that make a moment feel special.
Winning a stuffed monkey after 14 failed attempts? Peak moment.
Learning to whistle while waiting in the car? Peak moment.
We can plan all we want, but the moments that truly stay with us? They tend to sneak up on us.
Why the Small Things Matter More Than the Grand Ones
In a culture that constantly pushes us to think bigger, better, more, it can feel counterintuitive to embrace smaller, simpler, ordinary. But research suggests that it’s not the over-the-top experiences that bring the most happiness—it’s the small, everyday joys.
1. The Science of “Ordinary Magic”
Research on positive psychology and well-being (Lyubomirsky, 2008) shows that happiness isn’t found in once-in-a-lifetime experiences, but in small, meaningful moments. Studies suggest that people who actively notice and savor ordinary moments experience greater long-term well-being than those who only chase major milestones.
It’s why a random Tuesday night laughing at a ridiculous joke can feel just as special as a meticulously planned celebration. Magic, it turns out, isn’t about big. It’s about meaningful.
2. Connection Happens in the In-Between Moments
The things we remember most aren’t always tied to what we saw but to how we felt. And deep emotional connection often happens in the margins of our experiences—not necessarily during the big event itself, but in the moments around it.
Think about the most meaningful conversations you’ve had. The times you felt closest to someone. The moments that, for some reason, stuck with you.
Chances are, they didn’t happen in the middle of a perfectly orchestrated experience. They happened:
- During an unplanned heart-to-heart on a long drive.
- Over a late-night snack in the kitchen.
- While struggling to win a ridiculous stuffed monkey from a claw machine.
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These moments are effortless, unforced, real. And in their simplicity, they often mean more than the grandest gestures.
3. The Pressure to Make Things “Magical” Can Backfire
Here’s the ironic part: The harder we try to create a perfect, magical moment, the more likely we are to stress ourselves out—and stress is the antidote to joy.
Research on anticipatory joy (Quoidbach et al., 2010) shows that people often enjoy experiences more when they are spontaneous rather than highly planned. When we over-engineer an experience, we can accidentally squeeze out the very thing that makes it meaningful: ease, playfulness, and connection.
Think about it: Have you ever worked so hard to plan the perfect dinner or trip that by the time it happened, you were too exhausted to actually enjoy it?
Sometimes, the best thing we can do is let go of the need for big, impressive moments and instead lean into whatever is unfolding in front of us.
How to Make Space for Small, Meaningful Moments
Instead of chasing bigger, try this:
1. Let go of the need to manufacture meaning.
Instead of worrying about how to make a moment special, focus on being present for the moments that already are.
2. Pay attention to the joy in the ordinary.
What are the everyday moments that make you smile? The inside jokes, the small victories, the random bursts of laughter? Those are the things you’ll remember.
3. Loosen your grip on expectations.
Your kids may not remember the itinerary, but they’ll remember how they felt. Your partner may not need a grand gesture—just your undivided attention. The people you love don’t need more, they need you.
The Stuffed Monkey Lesson
Would I have guessed that my kids’ favorite part of our Grand Canyon trip would be a claw machine win? Absolutely not. But maybe that’s the point.
Maybe life’s greatest moments aren’t the ones we stress over making perfect. Maybe they’re the ones that sneak up on us when we’re just present enough to notice them.
So here’s to the stuffed monkeys.
Here’s to learning to whistle.
Here’s to the small, unexpected joys that turn out to be the real magic.
And here’s to remembering that sometimes, the things that matter most aren’t grand at all.
