Before we can even begin to understand what our triggers are trying to tell us, we need to get a clear understanding of what is and what is not a trigger. So, first, let’s consider the differences.
You are not being triggered when someone hurts your feelings. You are not being triggered when you lose an argument. You are not being triggered when you lose a friend due to an argument or a difference in values. You are not being triggered when you feel anxious or depressed. You are not being triggered when you feel insulted or offended by something someone says or does.
UNLESS any of those things remind you of past trauma(s) and send you back to the same feelings and thoughts you had during or just after that trauma or traumas. Without the connection to past trauma(s), it cannot be truly considered to be a trigger. Maybe it creates difficult feelings, but these are not called triggers unless they send you back to past trauma(s).
The word trigger, as it is used here, is a metaphor for the trigger of a gun. Pull the trigger and the gun goes off. In that same sense, an emotional or psychological trigger is usually a sudden and quickly felt internal event that causes one to fly back to the feelings and thoughts surrounding past trauma(s).
Triggers can be subtle or overt. An example of an overt event that might be a trigger is when, in the midst of a loud argument, the other person begins to walk closer to you. If there were no similar previous trauma you might not be triggered, though you might have other emotional responses to the current event, which may help you know how to handle this situation. But if it is a trigger, it might drive your thoughts and emotions back to an event in the past where another person did something very similar, and it ended up being a physically abusive encounter.
An example of a more subtle trigger might be a smell or a sound that throws you back to a previous trauma. In fact, in some of these cases it is the body that reacts first to this subtle trigger. One might begin to feel heart palpitations and begin to breathe rapidly. These body responses are reactions to the sensory trigger. But the person experiencing these physical reactions might not even connect the dots between the sensory trigger and the body responses until later, when they have had time to reflect.
What Are Triggers Trying to Tell You?
Mostly, a trigger is meant to inform you of one or both of two things:
- You do not feel safe. That feeling might actually be a warning from your psyche to back away, draw a boundary, end a relationship, etc. Or it might be a feeling that does not necessarily reflect a real problem. In other words, we can feel unsafe sometimes, even when the circumstances do not warrant that feeling. At other times, not feeling safe is a warning.
- You are not completely finished with your psychological work on the previous trauma(s). This does not mean that you have failed in your work or that you should be doing better at this time. It simply means there is more work to be done.
A feeling of being unsafe can be very helpful when it comes as a warning sign that you are actually in an unsafe situation. Perhaps you are in an unsafe relationship. Perhaps you are realizing that your workplace is toxic in such a way that it feels dangerous to you. Perhaps you are just walking down the street, and something happens that makes you feel unsafe. We can be very grateful for this kind of trigger, for although it may remind you of a previous trauma, it is also telling you that you do not want to repeat that trauma.
A feeling of being unsafe, though the circumstances are not really unsafe, is a very common kind of trigger. Something subtle or overt—even one of your own thoughts—reminds you of the previous trauma(s), and you feel extremely anxious, even panicked and uncertain as to what to do to eliminate the feelings or rectify the perceived situation. This is when special measures, such as breathing exercises, meditation, grounding techniques, and the use of certain apps might come into play. This might also be a time to talk to a trusted person or a therapist to help you not only to deal with the specific response you are having but also to recognize and process through previous trauma(s) and their responses.
And as stated above, you may still have psychological work to do to put the trauma(s) in the past, where they belong. But whether the trigger is telling you you feel unsafe or that you have more work to do, or both—they are trying to be helpful. They have not come to haunt you or make you feel “sick” or not “normal.” They are simply trying to help you to take care of yourself.
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